then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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