eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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