love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
