I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
