I wish I could punch you in the face.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
