Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
