Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
