Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
