I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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