apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
