i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I checked into jail on foursquare
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
