I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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