he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He shit in the fireplace
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