mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
