i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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