Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
