Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
