Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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