I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
