captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
