maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
