is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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