hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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