just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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