I just made out with a guy for $7.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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