I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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