you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
