he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
