don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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