Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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