i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
