Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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