if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
