why do cheetos always look like penises
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
