I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
