you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
