I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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