Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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