Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
