and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
