Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
