yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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