I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
