Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
