Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
