I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
