i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
