Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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