shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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