He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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