The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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