$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
