I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
