someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize