I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
