drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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