i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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