Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
