32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
