Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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