I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
