giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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