mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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