What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
