Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
