I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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