i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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