o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
