This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
