Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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