new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
