Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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