it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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