If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Still dying that you shit outside
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
